The People's Poet is Dead

*moves away cobwebs from a big, wonky wingback chair and sits down*

Hello fellow comedy brethren, I do apologise for not updating for such a long, long time, but I got kidnapped by some ‘things’ – not sure who or what they were, but they wore hats with flowers in and they were all called ‘Derek’ – they’ve been good to me but I’m hoping they won’t want me back anytime soon, they’re a bit ‘nasally.’
Anyway, they kindly let me go so I could update this here blog in honour of a very special person who the comedy world lost recently, the wonderful, funny, gorgeous, genius that was Rik Mayall.
I was told this news by a friend whilst I was on the phone to them and I instantly started to cry like a nun in a brothel. In all seriousness, it was a genuine, horrible shock to know that this wonderful man had left our planet.

I have watched him since being a very small child, as I did with most of my comedy heroes, most of you will know now that I watched and loved comedy from a very young age (if not, why don’t you? It’s only a few entries back, don’t be bloody lazy and have a look) and Rik and his partner in crime, Ade Edmondson were one of the favourites during my childhood, I loved them both but Rik was always a favourite of mine, his cheeky smile, devilish humour and amazing comic performances always awe struck me, I just thought he was Mr. Wonderful…and that’s because, dear reader, he was.
He was just a joy to watch, everything about him seemed to draw you in and he seemed to have this spark or sparkle around him that was just a joy to eyes.

(Apologies in advance for the following crudeness but I’m sure Rik would approve and agree) If you a were a male comedy fan, you probably wanted to be him, if you were a female comedy fan, you probably wanted to be on him…which was natural, as he had such a natural charm and inspired so many people. I know he has always inspired me greatly and I loved him, not in a creepy, celebrity obsessed stalker way, but in the way I loved most comedians when I was a kid, I loved him because he made me laugh, he made my dark days brighter and he inspired me to do what I’m doing today (not lazing around, all the acting and comedy writing and stuff I do….I do, do it….honest)
From the attention and comments I’ve seen spattered about in the press and social media, it seems that I was truly not alone in my love for this great comedy devil, he was truly loved…and loved for who he was, he wasn’t fake or full of airs and graces, he always just seemed to be himself and everyone clearly adored him, whether it be his family and friends or his fans, he was truly admired.
(and I personally thought he was bloody gorgeous! Woof!)

It’s still very weird to think he’s gone, I know only a few weeks have passed since his death but I know in a good few years down the line, it’ll STILL feel weird to think he isn’t around anymore. He was so full of life and talent and he just didn’t seem the type to die. Death comes to us all, but there’s some people who you believe will outlive the planet itself and Rik was one of those people.
He’s a huge, huge loss to the comedy world and I’m sure it won’t stop mourning him for a very long time yet, as with his family, friends, fans, and anyone else his talent and ‘spark’ reached.
His death has brought a lot of people together and I’m sure he’ll continue to inspire people for many, many years to come and I’m sure wherever he is now (hopefully there’s a heaven for really great comedy geniuses’ and that way I can hang around outside it when I die and stalk them all…mwuahahahaha), he’s causing equal mayhem there as he did down here and I’m sure he’s already being adored there too.

I’m extremely sad that I will now never get the chance to meet him and tell him how he inspired me, I’m sure he heard it from enough people, but I would have sincerely loved to have had a chat with him one day…and maybe, in the heights of delusion, maybe even work with him one day.

And now I will get out of here before the Derek Flower Folk come back for me….
So here’s to you, dear, beautiful foul mouthed Rik, you will never be forgotten and your mad talent and gorgeous, sexy, smile  (Woof! ) will live on in many people’s (flash) hearts (see what I did there?), so for this, in a way you have indeed suited your style and become immortal….you crafty bastard! ;)

Goodbye Rik, thanks for the laughs. We f**king love you.

‘All the grown-ups will say, "But why are the kids crying?" And the kids will say, "Haven't you heard? Rik is dead! The People's Poet is dead!"

In tribute to Rik Mayall – (1958 – 2014)

Come To Ze Darkside, We Have Comedians

Hellooooo there dear comedy lovers and readers of this here humble bloggery.
Yes, that time has come again where I'm in a very hyper mood but yet extremely at a loss on what to do, so I think 'I know, let's annoy/bore the hell out of some people on the internet' and so I update this thing.

The topic I'm going to focus on today is something that I've touched on before...I think...slightly....that many comedians seem to have a hidden 'dark' side and when I say dark side, I don't mean murderers or kitten killers or anything like that (mind you, you never know), I mean in the terms of comedians that are in real life, quite....well, miserable sods really. With all sorts of 'knock on' problems such as depressions, alcoholism, severe confidence and self esteem problems and all that 'shebang.'
And to be honest, I don't think its something I need to explain myself too much on (& no, it's not because I'm lazy and can't be doing a long ass blog...well, maybe a bit) because I think a lot of us can relate to using humour to cover up a lot of 'demons' or problems we have inside or outside of our rattling heads.
I certainly know that I have always used humour as a way of covering up my problems, my love of comedy has got me through some of the darkest days of my life....even Charlie Chaplin's wife said that watching 'Fawlty Towers' got her through the loss of her husband.
It's just what I've always done and I don't think I know many other coping mechanisms...well, apart from crying alone & filling up a wine/vodka bottle with my tears....

So I personally think that's why a lot of the 'darker...maybe depressed' people of the world go into comedy. To escape into a land where everyone laughs at you because they like you, not because they're taking the piss...and everyone adores you for making their lives that bit brighter, just like comedy has probably done for them in a past, it's like a big circle...a vicious circle of laughter (if a circle of laughter can be vicious....with teeth....)
For example, very recently (very recently only being about 2 weeks ago) I had to have my very dear, beautiful, silly, wonderful cat that I'd had since I was 6 years old (I'm 26 in about a week) put to sleep and I won't lie to you, it was one of the most heartbreaking things to have happened to me, if not THE most heartbreaking thing. Those of you who know me will know that I adore animals very much in general and that my cat's are like my children...and also that Tiggy was extremely, extremely special to me and yeah, it's not been good...at all.
But once again, humour has been getting me through, even just laughing at the antics and little ways she had has been getting me through...like when she lost her 'voice' and would just open her mouth into a silent cry when she wanted to meow (something I sadly abused for my own amusement I'm afraid to say) and like when she had me down the stairs by lying across the top step....and having me nearly crack my head open on the cooker when she chased my feet in the kitchen...& the time she peed in my school bag five minutes before I was ready for leaving for school...and the times I used to wake up and find her lying on my chest just staring at me like some mad, deranged, hairy stalker....come to think of it now, she was probably trying to kill me, but either way, she did a lot for me and brought me 18/19 years of wonderment and as you can probably tell, she was a bit of a little comedian herself.

So yeah, without straying from my original point too much, humour helps a lot of demons shut up and go hide in a cupboard in a forgotten part of your brain somewhere.
I think also, if you're quite a depressive, worried, anxious person, naturally creating this 'persona' or 'other version' of you will get you away from all that, you'll feel loved, appreciated and happy at the fact you're bringing joy and laughter to people.

I recently watched a documentary on BBC1 where popular comedienne, Miranda Hart was finding out more and paying tribute to her 'hero of comedy', the wonderful Eric Morecambe and being a huge fan of Eric myself, I already knew most of what was shown, if not more. I already knew that behind that wonderful comedy talent, comic timing and that MUCH loved man, there was quite a different side. He was shy, under confident, quiet and suffered from health anxiety brought about by a heart murmur...which coupled with the constant worrying, probably lead to his premature death.
But even Miranda herself said that there's an hidden sadness in her too, like the comedian is a mask she's learned to put up to get rid of all the sadness and insecurities in her life.

& When I was younger I used to always wonder why most comedians were often quite 'different' off screen/stage but now as I get older it's become quite self explanatory and little did I know I was a fan of comedy and made people laugh for all the same reasons, I'm a dark person when you get deep down to the bottom of me (no puns or smut intended) with quite a lot of insecurities and 'head demons' and it's nothing major, I'm not bi polar or anything like that (not to my knowledge anyway), but I do suffer from depression, I do suffer from anxiety and inferiority problems....and probably a whole load of other shite that I don't even know about myself yet.
But that's okay with me, it means I have the 'means' for comedy...you know and if it helps me write 'funny stuff', if it helps me 'perform' if it helps me 'be funny' and make people laugh then that's fine....

Yep, being completely neurotic is totally fine by me.....what??

______________________________________________________________________________

*SIDE ANNOUNCEMENT* Well...I was gonna say *BOTTOM ANNOUNCEMENT* since it's at the bottom of this post and not the side, but it sounds wrong, let's face it.

I am thinking of doing a video blog next time, as a one off....and I just wanted people's views on this, someone suggested it to me and I was thinking it might defeat the obvious of this being a writing venture for me and for it to be something for people to READ, but the idea has grown on me and as I say, just as a one off it might be fun and I could think of a special topic for it, in fact, I want people to SUGGEST topics for me, because to be honest, I'm beginning to run low on ideas...I know I shouldn't probably admit that, but there you go, it's me, what you gonna do?
So yeah, help me you lazy, buggering lot....should I do a video blog next time and if so, what should it be about...or what would you LIKE it to be about? Cheers me' dears. :) Tip of ze hat' till' next time!

The Returned Ramblings of a Comedy Nerd...

*sneaks in with flare and miscellaneous weaponry *

Hello there! It's been a long, long time, hasn't it? This was all fields the last time I was here.
Ahhh, by gone days. Okay, I know it hasn't been THAT long but really, September since I last updated? That's bad, I can only apologize and offer up my sincerest, grovelling apologises to anyone who actually cared or noticed my absence from this here' blog. I feel for you, seriously...you obviously have no life, you poor sod.

I have been busy with that thing called life. With it's twists and turns and it's downright urge and drive to stop me doing anything remotely fun. (Damn it to hell!)
But yes, mainly University and a few personal problems (no, I'm not dying...but my Cat has gone crazy...I kid you not) is what has prevented me from updating for so long, such is life, and I shall spare you the details, with this being a 'comedy' blog rather than a devastating life story blog.
The topic of my return shall be that of the problems and strife (I know I said no devstating-ness but bare with me, it is comedy related) of being a fanatic of comedy, or a 'comedy nerd' as I like to call it...and other people like to call me. (Bastards!)

These days it is very socially acceptable to be a part of the alternative crowd or a 'geek' as I always have classed myself as. Partly because I don't know what else to call myself, I feel like I never really fitted into any 'category' except for maybe being on the 'strangely strange' pile. I have always been very 'alternative' except my version of 'alternative' has never really fitted any other person's 'alternative.'

As most people will know by now (& certainly if you've read this blog from the beginning...so I'll know if you're lying...*points evilly*) I've loved comedy from a very young age and it has practically been my main point of interest over the years. Sure,  I've always loved animals, music and the 'spooky stuff' and other things have come and gone in my life over the years (those 5 years in M16 for one...oops, that's that secret out), but comedy has always usually been number one in my list of 'interests.'

And over the years my mind has collected fairly useless rafts of information on any number of comedians and comedy shows and the whole history of comedy to be fair..... and where does this information come in handy? I'll be honest, not many places...I've tried it at funerals, &,  strangely enough, it never goes down well.
It doesn't go down too well anywhere to be honest.

& surprisingly, saying, 'Did you know that Graham Chapman of Monty Python fame was gay, had an adopted son and his ashes are now scattered over Snowdonia?' isn't an effective way of breaking an awkward silence at a dinner date...
I sometimes where I can put all this interesting comedy crap that's spilling over in my brain, that was what prompted me to start this wreck of blog...and sometimes I ponder over writing a book some day...but would someone buy a book called 'Interesting Comedy Crap?' which wouldn't really have any structure or genre, it'd just be full of random tid bits of comedy....maybe someone with more money than sense...(just politicians then.)

I know a lot of people like comedy but I've always been a tad 'over the top' with it, it was more or less my life for awhile and dreams of wanting to work in the comedy industry prompted a very big career change and going back into education after many years.
So I wonder where people like me belong (apart from maybe the Looney Bin), we're not computer nerds, hardcore gamers, skater boys, rock stars or chess enthusiasts (well, some of us might be)...so where do us comedy nerds go to get relief and solace from the taunts of the outside world? I'm still in fact looking for that place and it consumes me.

Thankfully though, I have found a good few people who are as fanatic about comedy as me...some are even nerds over the good old classic stuff (also, like me), but those wonderful, sob huggingly ace people are very few and far between I'm afraid.
So even starting some kind of comedy AA group would be extremely thin on the ground, it'd probably just be me, maybe one other person, a cat, a pigeon and a dripping tap...and maybe a homeless person who just wants to come in from the cold and have a bit of a giggle at some people who have less friends than he does.

So yes, my nerdiness is a very rare form of nerdiness, one that doesn't really put me into any category apart from maybe as stated earlier, a bit 'odd.'
Add that to me being a crazy cat woman, a witch who is slightly psychic and a general neurotic, over worrier who would even worry and freak out if she would millions on the lottery, thinking that the cheque wouldn't clear or about the money disappearing into thin air....and you've got a person who doesn't, hasn't, and never probably will fit into any category.
BUT, all is not lost, I must admit. As I, dear invisible reader, found out about something very special a few months back.

A University Degree....in...wait for it.....comedy practices!! *cue holy music *
What is this magical fuckery and can it be true? Was my first response... and upon further research, yes it was true, there is a performance degree that specializes in Comedy.
This glorious wonderment of education is currently being held at Salford University and for a while I was clicking my heels with excitement, as my current Theatre degree which I am studying at the moment, would allow me to enter this magical world once I've completed it...and for a while, this was the plan. I imagined meeting more of these versions of me who have completely thrown the idea of logical careers into the bin and who must have completely comedy haddled minds such as myself, if they want to get in debt for and study intensively for two to three years for it.
I was in anticipatory heaven.

But alas, it isn't meant to be, as it means studying for an extra two years after my current degree finishes in May this year. Sadly, I can neither afford, nor face another two years in education, even if it is for my beloved comedy brethren.
So that dream has crashed and burned a long with my sanity. It will always be a nice thought in the back of my brain though (a long with the tires and springs and embarassing memories), that maybe that long wanted solace and magical place for the lost comedy nerd is out there after all....

.....and it's in Salford...huh, can't win all ways I suppose?

I Thought I Did Stand Up! I Did! I Did Do Stand Up!

Hey loyal comedy blogger readers...or readER as it's more likely to be...Hi, sit down, would you like a cup of tea? Actually no, I don't really like tea and only usually drink it if I'm on holiday...and since we don't seem to be in a caravan in Blackpool whilst it's pissing it down outside...no tea I'm afraid, but you're welcome either way.

So yes, it seems like a while since I last updated this ere' blog and that's probably because it is, so I can only apologize but I have had a surprisingly busy summer. Surprising in the fact that I didn't end up spending it in my room, in my Pajamas, eating junk food and watching The Simpsons with the cat's...well, not all of it anyway.
I have actually put my summer to good use for a change, been on night's away, day's and night's out, weekends away (not dirty ones, honest...) seen old friends and current ones, made new ones, been on a bit of a 'spiritual journey' and no, it didn't involve drugs...and also performed in a wonderful comedy play in Manchester entitled 'Hobby Horse' (written by David Adair) with my new second family that go by the name of the "Wigan Community Theatre Company".
Among many other random shenanigans and giggles...but before you worry about this turning into some kind of diary or "personal blog", I have news for you, I am detailing my summer not only to find excuses as to why I haven't updated this thing for a while, but to make a perfect lead in to tell you what else I did!
And that, my friends...was...that....I....did...stand...up....c.....omedy.
Now, I'm probably making it sound like a big deal and to you guys, it more than likely won't be (so screw yourselves!) but to me it WAS and IS a big deal.

Now, let me explain Manuel....(Fawlty Towers reference for you there)
I got accepted onto the BBC New Comedy Award Workshop (for which I sent some of this blog to them and they must have liked it or else I wouldn't have been there, so shut up!)
And part (well, most of it) of that involved creating our own stand up routines and having them filmed by the BBC. A major nerves overload induced death awaited me and surely arrived but I can say with all happiness that I didn't crash and burn quite as badly as I thought I would.
I came up with pretty good stories and material in a short space of time and didn't find it as gut wrenchingly horrific as I always thought and most of all, I did get LAUGHS (and not boo's, rotten tomatoes or sharp implements as thought) and quite good laughs for the most part...
But I will say this, it was HARD and it honestly one of the hardest things I've ever done. I felt emotionally and psychically drained by the end of it and my poor brain needed a good few vodkas before it returned to some kind of normality and stopped sobbing it's little heart out...(can a brain have a heart? I'm confused... and I digress...)

And on the filming, my brain did die for a few minutes and I completely forgot what I was saying, what I was going to say, who I was, where I was and why there were people staring at me....but thankfully, it kicked back in and I managed to recover quite well...which didn't bother me only for the fact that it happened on the friggin' FILMING!!! So when the BBC decide to send it to me, I won't be able to watch it back because I don't want to see my brain die and turn into mush live on film.
But it will be nice to watch myself doing something that I never thought I could or would do...
And it made me realize that if I could do that in such a short space of time and handle that kind of pressure then if I 'polished' my material and upped my confidence a bit then doing open mic nights and gigs really wouldn't be so hard, and believe me, that felt so liberating !! There is no longer that 'there's no way I can do it' barrier lurking to put me off, because I have already done it and I know I did it and soon, I will have the cringingly video'd proof that I did it (I hate watching myself back in anything).
The worst part is getting up there to do it for that first time and now that's over for me, it's done and worryingly, I would love to do it again.

(And I want to take this opportunity, should anyone else who took part in the workshop get to read this, that the talent there was outstanding, everyone was amazing and even though that was quite intimidating at times, it was also very inspiring and amazing to see...they were ace people and I was honored to be there with them...and I'm sure I'll be seeing some of them on 'Live At The Apollo' very soon...or 'Crimewatch', depending on which way they want to take their wonderful brains....*wink*)

So that's it....hope you enjoyed my latest comedy ramble about how I managed to stand up on two leg's in front of others and say silly things.

I'm dragging my arse back to University next week, mainly because I have to...and after nearly a four month break, I WILL be literally dragging my arse back...
I'm telling you this for you to anticipate another 'gap' in the whole updatage front of this blog, but I'm sure you'll live....whereas, me on the other hand?...well, we'll see.
(I'm hoping I've give that pesky troll the slip at least....)

You Can't Teach An Old Dog New Tricks?

Well, my dear’s I beg to differ.
If the title seems a bit cryptic then (you’re probably a bit dumb) I’ll inform you that today’s blog entry is based on the whole idea of new vs. old comedy, along with the general ‘ageism’ (if any) in the world of ‘being funny.’

Now, I for one think most of today’s comedy has ‘lost its way’ my comedy age is probably a lot closer to my parents in that what I enjoy would probably be the same as a 40-50 year old.

I love the likes of the old sitcoms such as ‘Only Fools and Horses’, ‘Dad’s Army’, ‘Some Mother’s Do Ave’ Em’ (Ooooooh Betty! *in best Frank Spencer Impression*) and such and such...along with the old comedians such as Morecambe and Wise, The Two Ronnies’ and the even older kind such as the wonderful Laurel & Hardy & Buster Keaton (I’m a 1920’s/silent film/mindless slapstick fanatic anyway.)

Those wonderful ‘golden years’ of comedy when all the family could sit down and have a good giggle at the TV without worrying about a swear word or general crude remark coming out of it, making the entire family togetherness very awkward and sending Granny into a ‘not in my day’ rant.
And even if these ‘golden comedies/comedians’ did make a slightly risqué remark then society was much more ‘innocent’ anyway and it would usually go straight over people’s heads...and it was never overdone so it was to better effect, instead of using the ‘f’ word every other word like Gordon ‘effing’ Ramsay.

Then you have which I think was the best era for comedy (and for everything really, apart from Margaret Thatcher and leg warmers of course...no, not Margaret Thatcher IN Leg Warmers *shudders*)
the wonderful  1980’s. With the likes of Rik Mayall and Ade Edmundson gracing our screens and the birth of alternative comedy along with a whole new class of comedians taking over.  When stand up comedy really was an ‘art’ and you started right from the bottom. It was clever, it was new...and more importantly, it was FUNNY.

And it makes me sad to see that most 90’s comedy geniuses are now seen as ‘old hat’ or ‘dated’ too. The wonderful comedians that I grew up with and made my childhood cheerful, the people I was excited to see on my TV screen and who made me laugh until I needed an ambulance (that didn’t happen, it very nearly did at Vic & Bob once but I survived...just, but either way it would have been a wonderful way to go) – the absolutely wonderful comedy gods that are Vic Reeves & Bob Mortimer and the king of the sketch show (in my opinion anyway) Harry Enfield, along with his equally as talented and underrated partner in crime, Paul Whitehouse. These were another group of extremely clever and hilarious comedy pioneers who brought a new wave of surreal and new comedy to our screens. 

(I also have to mention the fact that the BBC told Harry Enfield that he and Paul Whitehouse were now ‘too old to be funny’ when they were pitching their new sketch show...so, what? Do you get to a certain age and then your funny bone drops out as well as your teeth? According to the BBC you do.....)

All of it was wonderful, clever, extremely well written, well acted, with the best comedians you could get for generations. They each brought new and exciting ideas and comedy characters to their own time and decade.

Whereas now, sadly, I think it’s extremely rare to find a ‘good’ comedy that I can really enjoy. I always say that after the year 2000, it all went down hill. Nothing was exciting anymore, not for me personally anyway. Ricky Gervais and Little Britain came along and I suppose that they tried to bring the same new ideas and new wave of comedy to our screens, but I don’t know, it just wasn’t the same for me. People who know me will know that I don’t find Gervais in the slightest bit funny. I’m not going to be personal because he’s a human being at the end of the day and I don’t know him personally, but in terms of comedy, no, I don’t think he’s a ‘legend’ or a ‘comedy hero’, I don’t even find him funny, I find him offensive and I think he goes about things in totally the wrong way. People could argue that he’s got that 80’s anarchic style, but again I disagree, the 80’s where hard times and alternative comedy mostly sprung from that, they were rebelling against something, whereas I think people like Gervias are just doing it for doing it sake, basically because in today’s society, you just can.

So using swear words and ‘blue’ material in comedy becomes less effective, it becomes offensive for the sake of it and crosses that line between making you laugh because it was funny to making you laugh because of the shock value or embarrassment, or just because someone said a ‘dirty’ word...*goes into patronising teacher mode* It’s not clever and it certainly isn’t funny.

Just to say, because I mentioned Little Britain earlier, I have to admit that I do like them, I’ve met them and they’re lovely guys but I lost interest in their show after Series 1 because sadly, after that, they too walked into the ‘shock value’ funny category rather than actually trying to clever.  (Seeing an old woman piss on the floor? Or throw up everywhere at the mention of someone of a different race? Funny?  Clever? I don’t think so.)

So yes, to cut a long rant short (Hallelujah! I hear you cry) I’m very much old headed when it comes to comedy, I hanker after the days of the 80’s and 90’s where comedy was exciting, clever and damn right hilarious.  I’m sad these days that I look forward to watching a new comedy show with high hopes only to be mostly disappointed and that I seem to be losing track in the stand up world because no one is standing out to me, so I stick with my ‘old uns.’

I long for that excited feeling of finding a new comedy that makes me laugh and makes me passionate about it again. Everyone knows that feeling of finding something new that makes you think ‘Yes! I want to do this, I want to be a part of this industry!’  Granted, there have been a few shows in recent years that have brought that feeling to the surface, but very few and far between.

So until things change and people get their shit act together, I’ll keep my 50 year old comedy head on and laugh along with Frank Spencer being hopelessly and slightly voo-dooishly (yes, it’s a word) unlucky, Oliver Hardy putting Stan Laurel through arduous torture and abuse and Michael Palin hitting John Cleese around the face with a 5ft fish. 

See what I mean? Clever...in it’s own special little way.

The Female of The Species (Is Funnier Than The Male?)

Well, no I don’t think so....

What’s that I hear you say? You’re not sticking up for your own female clan? You bad woman!

Well yes, I am a bad woman (especially on a weekend, but that’s not for here) and not to worry, I will explain why...

I did mention that I’d be doing a blog entry focusing on the world of women who go into comedy or ‘funny girls’ as it were, and here it is! I also mentioned that it might not be what you were expecting.

You’d think with my main goal wanting to enter into the world of comedy, that I’d be all for ‘funny girls’ but I’m not, I’m really not, because all in all, I personally don’t think women are funny. 

*Hears the sound of people falling to floor* - ‘Oh, please! Don’t be so dramatic, get up you twonks!’

I have my reasons...It’s rare that I’m a ‘fan’ of female comedians, all my comedy heroes and idols are men and that’s how I like it (and no, it’s not because I “fancy” them, god, you’re so childish!...well, maybe it is a little)

I have my exceptions though of course, those being Kathy Burke, Tamsin Greig and Victoria Wood (& I was also partial to Ellie Taylor on ITV1’s ‘Show Me The Funny’.)  And that, guys and gals is the lot, in generations of female comedians; those are the only ones that I consider funny...

I can’t really tell you why I don’t really find female comedians funny, I just don’t. Although, I have a few theories. The main one being that they play on the fact of being a woman; all their jokes are about woman’s problems...& I’m sorry but I don’t find your boyfriend dumping you and you eating a chocolate cake the size of a house very funny, and neither should you, love...
By doing that they’re already separating themselves and making themselves the minority, yes, tell us things about your life but don’t make it specifically about you being a women, that cuts you off with the audience straight away! 

I also find that most women ‘try’ too hard to be funny; they’re always trying to make up for the fact that they’re not a guy and it just ends up cringe worthy! That’s it! That’s the word; I have always found women in comedy to be cringe worthy. That’s just the way it is.

And I know it’s a really stupid view to have, I should be sticking up for funnier fairer sex and have rafts of funny female idols, but that’s just not the case.

I do admire them immensely for what they do, I think they’re really brave but I think most go about it in the wrong way, that’s what I don’t agree with...

It could also be that I’m not actually a fan of my own gender in general (I know, you don’t like were this is going, it’s ok, because neither do I...I’m not sure I know where it’s going to be honest)
I don’t like women, of course, I love my Mum and sister dearly and have a good few close female friends, but I have always got along better with men.
In my humble opinion, women are (for the most part) bitchy, cutting, ‘cliquey’ and cruel (steady on, madam!) and I have always had better experiences in friendships with men and of course, in this shallow world we live in, that can get people thinking the ‘wrong’ way about you, but everyone is entitled to their own choices in this world. I know quite a few women who think the exact same way as me (& no, they’re not in prison or transsexuals.)

Plus, most women (probably including some of my friends in this) don’t really ‘get’ me, because most of them aren’t into comedy so they probably just think I’m a bit ‘weird’ and that’s perfectly fine, I think you’re boring and have the sense of humour of a brick...c’est la vie...

And I realise that this may be offensive to some women out there, especially those who want to go into comedy (offending people wasn’t the intent of this blog, I know they may be hard to believe) but let me tell you something, you can’t shout at me...because dearest, I am also a women who wants to go in comedy...so I’m technically bashing myself (please, don’t take that wrong or this blog could go in a completely different direction, and none of us want that.)

And it’s ok because I don’t think I’m that funny, people just tell me that I am but I never really believe them and I’m so deluded by the ‘funny’ world that I just want to give it a shot anyway, despite how I’ll be perceived by people – and I never play the ‘woman’ card and haven’t done in the sets I’ve written, I play it neutral, granted there’s the odd thing in there that could only be said by a woman but I’ve tried to keep it as ‘general’ as possible. 

People don’t want to hear about my latest relationship/date disaster or my PMT and I personally don’t want to tell them... 

Or it could all just be down to the fact that I’m not really a woman and I’m actually a man called Steve who has been dressing up as a woman called ‘Sarah’ and has been fooling you all for years and all this has made me resent the female race...

(For those of you wondering, It isn’t that, I am just self bashing (oh ssh!))

Stand Up!? No! Sit Down!

Are you braver than a group of chickens doing the can-can through a fox’s den? If so, then you may be a stand up comedian.

As well documented by now, I love comedy (well, duh!) but when I was younger, I always dreamed of being in a sketch group or comedy troupe, I always thought (& still do) that it’d be a lot more fun, being with a group of like minded people who you hopefully got on with (no throwing tables/knives at each other and the like), making people laugh and hopefully, having a bit of a laugh yourself.

And that still is the dream for me really, but over the past year or two, in some weird, wonderful and probably mad and neurotic part of my brain, that wants me to die of humiliation and failure – has been urging me to explore the world of stand up comedy. 

I have always been in awe of the world of the stand up comedian, to be completely on your own, on stage, with a room full of glazed over, drunken, evil eyes (no, you wouldn’t be performing in hell, although it’d probably feel like it) staring at you, daring you to make them laugh, must take the more courage than a strawberry sprinting through a field of Donkeys (I know, strange comparison, get used to it). 

Then you have the successful comedian, the one that sells out arena’s and you know that all those lovely people have probably travelled miles and spent their hard earned money, just to see little ol’ you! I can’t comprehend how that must feel, I really can’t.

I’ve always wondered ‘how!?’ never why...because I know why, that compelling urge to make a room full of people laugh is a strong one I’ve felt my whole life and that’s enough to answer all my ‘whys?’ But I’m not sure I’ll ever get the hang of the ‘how?’

Maybe it’s that same urge? Either way, I’m bursting to give it a try (not literally, that’d be messy...and painful...) & I have actually got a routine or two written. But the sheer terror is enough to put me off ever trying them out. Sure, I’ve done a few workshops and courses but never actually done a proper gig.

But, the strange thing is, I know I’d get myself up there and I know I’d properly deliver my routine quite well, that’s fine...but what I can’t guarantee is anybody laughing...or me getting off that stage in one piece.

I suppose it doesn’t really help me being a woman, it’s hard enough to break into the world of stand up (or comedy in general for that matter) without being a member of the ‘fairer’ sex. Even in the mad, messed up, anything goes world of 2012, women in comedy is still something quite rare and even probably looked down on. (But I have another blog entry for that fine subject, for another time, although I think it’ll surprise you.)

So, add being a woman to equation and it makes things even harder, but I can’t help being the sex I was born...and I don’t fancy having any kind of ‘op’ to change it, unfortunately...even for my beloved world of comedy...so I’m guess I’m stuck with it.

The thing I’m most worried about is, not if it goes wrong, let’s face it, every comedian is going to have his (or her, don’t want to be called a hypocrite now, do I?) bad, bad gigs, it’s a part of it, I’m realistic on that, but the FIRST gig is probably the one you’d remember  the most and for me personally, if it went horribly, disastrously, me ending up in hospital/the police station wrong, then I’d probably never, ever want to grace the stand up word again...or the comedy world in general for that matter. Once bitten, twice shy is a saying that fit’s me all too well, and I couldn’t take that, I couldn’t take my dreams being dashed and my head being crushed (again, not literally, well, that is unless the audience really didn’t like my set...)

& I’ve got to admit, I doubt I’d be a natural stand up – I’m quite a different person in real life, from when I’m performing, and making my friends and family laugh is a lot different than making a room full of drunken strangers laugh, so I’d have to see my stand up side as a different character to me, still Sarah, but Stand Up Sarah, the braver, more confident, slightly bonkers version of me!

But on the other hand, I guess you’d learn from it whatever happened and if it went well, now there’s something for the ego! I wouldn’t be able to imagine the elation!  Talk about (pipe) dreams coming true!

But such is life, and there’s no guarantee’s in anything in this world (another thing I’ve learned all too well recently) and I’m quite (painfully) aware that the only way I’m ever going to find out is to get my bottom out there as it were and give it my best shot!

Consequently, me and a friend from University are going to a open mike night in Manchester next month. Now, whether or not I’ll actually be performing is a different matter, I might go along and see how ‘friendly’ the place is first and see what the other acts are like, so I’m more prepared, that would probably be the more sensible thing to do – but unfortunately, and probably not surprisingly, me and sensible have never really seen eye to eye, so who knows?  I could just get up there and get it over with! It’d be great if I did...and I guess only time will tell....

And, I don’t know about you dear reader, but I personally can’t wait to see the blog entry after that!