The Female of The Species (Is Funnier Than The Male?)

Well, no I don’t think so....

What’s that I hear you say? You’re not sticking up for your own female clan? You bad woman!

Well yes, I am a bad woman (especially on a weekend, but that’s not for here) and not to worry, I will explain why...

I did mention that I’d be doing a blog entry focusing on the world of women who go into comedy or ‘funny girls’ as it were, and here it is! I also mentioned that it might not be what you were expecting.

You’d think with my main goal wanting to enter into the world of comedy, that I’d be all for ‘funny girls’ but I’m not, I’m really not, because all in all, I personally don’t think women are funny. 

*Hears the sound of people falling to floor* - ‘Oh, please! Don’t be so dramatic, get up you twonks!’

I have my reasons...It’s rare that I’m a ‘fan’ of female comedians, all my comedy heroes and idols are men and that’s how I like it (and no, it’s not because I “fancy” them, god, you’re so childish!...well, maybe it is a little)

I have my exceptions though of course, those being Kathy Burke, Tamsin Greig and Victoria Wood (& I was also partial to Ellie Taylor on ITV1’s ‘Show Me The Funny’.)  And that, guys and gals is the lot, in generations of female comedians; those are the only ones that I consider funny...

I can’t really tell you why I don’t really find female comedians funny, I just don’t. Although, I have a few theories. The main one being that they play on the fact of being a woman; all their jokes are about woman’s problems...& I’m sorry but I don’t find your boyfriend dumping you and you eating a chocolate cake the size of a house very funny, and neither should you, love...
By doing that they’re already separating themselves and making themselves the minority, yes, tell us things about your life but don’t make it specifically about you being a women, that cuts you off with the audience straight away! 

I also find that most women ‘try’ too hard to be funny; they’re always trying to make up for the fact that they’re not a guy and it just ends up cringe worthy! That’s it! That’s the word; I have always found women in comedy to be cringe worthy. That’s just the way it is.

And I know it’s a really stupid view to have, I should be sticking up for funnier fairer sex and have rafts of funny female idols, but that’s just not the case.

I do admire them immensely for what they do, I think they’re really brave but I think most go about it in the wrong way, that’s what I don’t agree with...

It could also be that I’m not actually a fan of my own gender in general (I know, you don’t like were this is going, it’s ok, because neither do I...I’m not sure I know where it’s going to be honest)
I don’t like women, of course, I love my Mum and sister dearly and have a good few close female friends, but I have always got along better with men.
In my humble opinion, women are (for the most part) bitchy, cutting, ‘cliquey’ and cruel (steady on, madam!) and I have always had better experiences in friendships with men and of course, in this shallow world we live in, that can get people thinking the ‘wrong’ way about you, but everyone is entitled to their own choices in this world. I know quite a few women who think the exact same way as me (& no, they’re not in prison or transsexuals.)

Plus, most women (probably including some of my friends in this) don’t really ‘get’ me, because most of them aren’t into comedy so they probably just think I’m a bit ‘weird’ and that’s perfectly fine, I think you’re boring and have the sense of humour of a brick...c’est la vie...

And I realise that this may be offensive to some women out there, especially those who want to go into comedy (offending people wasn’t the intent of this blog, I know they may be hard to believe) but let me tell you something, you can’t shout at me...because dearest, I am also a women who wants to go in comedy...so I’m technically bashing myself (please, don’t take that wrong or this blog could go in a completely different direction, and none of us want that.)

And it’s ok because I don’t think I’m that funny, people just tell me that I am but I never really believe them and I’m so deluded by the ‘funny’ world that I just want to give it a shot anyway, despite how I’ll be perceived by people – and I never play the ‘woman’ card and haven’t done in the sets I’ve written, I play it neutral, granted there’s the odd thing in there that could only be said by a woman but I’ve tried to keep it as ‘general’ as possible. 

People don’t want to hear about my latest relationship/date disaster or my PMT and I personally don’t want to tell them... 

Or it could all just be down to the fact that I’m not really a woman and I’m actually a man called Steve who has been dressing up as a woman called ‘Sarah’ and has been fooling you all for years and all this has made me resent the female race...

(For those of you wondering, It isn’t that, I am just self bashing (oh ssh!))

Stand Up!? No! Sit Down!

Are you braver than a group of chickens doing the can-can through a fox’s den? If so, then you may be a stand up comedian.

As well documented by now, I love comedy (well, duh!) but when I was younger, I always dreamed of being in a sketch group or comedy troupe, I always thought (& still do) that it’d be a lot more fun, being with a group of like minded people who you hopefully got on with (no throwing tables/knives at each other and the like), making people laugh and hopefully, having a bit of a laugh yourself.

And that still is the dream for me really, but over the past year or two, in some weird, wonderful and probably mad and neurotic part of my brain, that wants me to die of humiliation and failure – has been urging me to explore the world of stand up comedy. 

I have always been in awe of the world of the stand up comedian, to be completely on your own, on stage, with a room full of glazed over, drunken, evil eyes (no, you wouldn’t be performing in hell, although it’d probably feel like it) staring at you, daring you to make them laugh, must take the more courage than a strawberry sprinting through a field of Donkeys (I know, strange comparison, get used to it). 

Then you have the successful comedian, the one that sells out arena’s and you know that all those lovely people have probably travelled miles and spent their hard earned money, just to see little ol’ you! I can’t comprehend how that must feel, I really can’t.

I’ve always wondered ‘how!?’ never why...because I know why, that compelling urge to make a room full of people laugh is a strong one I’ve felt my whole life and that’s enough to answer all my ‘whys?’ But I’m not sure I’ll ever get the hang of the ‘how?’

Maybe it’s that same urge? Either way, I’m bursting to give it a try (not literally, that’d be messy...and painful...) & I have actually got a routine or two written. But the sheer terror is enough to put me off ever trying them out. Sure, I’ve done a few workshops and courses but never actually done a proper gig.

But, the strange thing is, I know I’d get myself up there and I know I’d properly deliver my routine quite well, that’s fine...but what I can’t guarantee is anybody laughing...or me getting off that stage in one piece.

I suppose it doesn’t really help me being a woman, it’s hard enough to break into the world of stand up (or comedy in general for that matter) without being a member of the ‘fairer’ sex. Even in the mad, messed up, anything goes world of 2012, women in comedy is still something quite rare and even probably looked down on. (But I have another blog entry for that fine subject, for another time, although I think it’ll surprise you.)

So, add being a woman to equation and it makes things even harder, but I can’t help being the sex I was born...and I don’t fancy having any kind of ‘op’ to change it, unfortunately...even for my beloved world of comedy...so I’m guess I’m stuck with it.

The thing I’m most worried about is, not if it goes wrong, let’s face it, every comedian is going to have his (or her, don’t want to be called a hypocrite now, do I?) bad, bad gigs, it’s a part of it, I’m realistic on that, but the FIRST gig is probably the one you’d remember  the most and for me personally, if it went horribly, disastrously, me ending up in hospital/the police station wrong, then I’d probably never, ever want to grace the stand up word again...or the comedy world in general for that matter. Once bitten, twice shy is a saying that fit’s me all too well, and I couldn’t take that, I couldn’t take my dreams being dashed and my head being crushed (again, not literally, well, that is unless the audience really didn’t like my set...)

& I’ve got to admit, I doubt I’d be a natural stand up – I’m quite a different person in real life, from when I’m performing, and making my friends and family laugh is a lot different than making a room full of drunken strangers laugh, so I’d have to see my stand up side as a different character to me, still Sarah, but Stand Up Sarah, the braver, more confident, slightly bonkers version of me!

But on the other hand, I guess you’d learn from it whatever happened and if it went well, now there’s something for the ego! I wouldn’t be able to imagine the elation!  Talk about (pipe) dreams coming true!

But such is life, and there’s no guarantee’s in anything in this world (another thing I’ve learned all too well recently) and I’m quite (painfully) aware that the only way I’m ever going to find out is to get my bottom out there as it were and give it my best shot!

Consequently, me and a friend from University are going to a open mike night in Manchester next month. Now, whether or not I’ll actually be performing is a different matter, I might go along and see how ‘friendly’ the place is first and see what the other acts are like, so I’m more prepared, that would probably be the more sensible thing to do – but unfortunately, and probably not surprisingly, me and sensible have never really seen eye to eye, so who knows?  I could just get up there and get it over with! It’d be great if I did...and I guess only time will tell....

And, I don’t know about you dear reader, but I personally can’t wait to see the blog entry after that!

Funny = Sexy? Oh God, Yes!

Now, we all know that on most people’s lists (& those personal ad things that we all have a private giggle it, come on, you know you’ve done it) of what they’re looking for in a potential ball & chain...err, I mean relationship, is the good ol’ GSOH (Good Sense of Humour.) But with most women it is usually just a case of not seeming shallow.
It reminds me of a joke of Jasper Carrott’s – he mentioned the same thing, that most women were just looking for someone with a GSOH and he stated that even though they say this, if he and Brad Pitt were to walk into a bar, that most women would then throw that out of the window and head on over to Mr. Pitt’s direction! Naturally.

But then, there’s women like me, who genuinely do mean it and wouldn’t touch Mr. Smarmy over there with a ten foot wooden leg (I can’t stand Brad Pitt!) and would much rather spend the evening chatting to the lovely Mr. Carrott who was another one of those hilarious, lovely men that I always used to look forward to watching when I was a kid.

99.9% of my "celeb crushes" have been on comedians, in fact, my very first celeb crush was Bob Mortimer when I was just 6 or 7 years old and I still adore the lovely little munch kin’ – the “hots” for his partner in crime, Mr. Vic Reeves also sprung on me surprisingly a few years back too, after years of watching him and finding him gut bustingly funny, it suddenly hit me that I really wouldn’t mind him in my bed either....Big Night Out did it, he is genuinely beautiful there. Give me a time machine and send me back to 1991 and I swear to god, he’d be mine.

..................Oh sorry, daydreaming there for a minute...where was I? Oh yeah, funny men...what is it about them that I find so attractive? I couldn’t tell you to be honest, all I know is that I find them irresistible.  But don’t get me wrong, I still have standards, some random hobo coming up to me and making me giggle wouldn’t make me want to marry him. But I wouldn't go much lower than that to be honest.

I think it may be because I have such admiration for comedians that naturally I would find them attractive. Maybe it’s the charisma of being able to wow and amuse an audience, maybe it’s the cuteness of someone a bit ‘wacky’ or ‘quirky’, maybe it’s the thrill of that hidden, dark nature that many comedians seem to have.

Whatever it is...funny to me is just IT when looking for a guy, but I have to admit, it hasn’t led to the most successful relationships for me. Mainly due to that ‘dark’ side I mentioned, maybe it’s because I’ve got those characteristics as well and we clash...either way, it has got me into a lot of trouble in the past, yearning and wanting the ‘funny guy’ – it’s never turned out too well. It has also lead to me falling for the wrong person on many occasion, boy, hasn’t it...but I can’t stop it, it’s like a natural reaction for me & the connection I feel to those types of people is always worth it, I wouldn’t want anything less. 

And my family and friends have always found this amusing; I’ve had it all ‘Funny whore - laugh hag....’ 

You’d think all this complicated heart break and teasing would put me off the world of men who can laugh me into bed, but no...(I’m quite dumb and blind where all that kissy kissy, smooch woochy stuff is concerned anyway, you see) and I still stand by the fact that I probably will end up marrying a comedian one day.....

But I will draw the line at clown suit bondage on our wedding night.......