Come To Ze Darkside, We Have Comedians

Hellooooo there dear comedy lovers and readers of this here humble bloggery.
Yes, that time has come again where I'm in a very hyper mood but yet extremely at a loss on what to do, so I think 'I know, let's annoy/bore the hell out of some people on the internet' and so I update this thing.

The topic I'm going to focus on today is something that I've touched on before...I think...slightly....that many comedians seem to have a hidden 'dark' side and when I say dark side, I don't mean murderers or kitten killers or anything like that (mind you, you never know), I mean in the terms of comedians that are in real life, quite....well, miserable sods really. With all sorts of 'knock on' problems such as depressions, alcoholism, severe confidence and self esteem problems and all that 'shebang.'
And to be honest, I don't think its something I need to explain myself too much on (& no, it's not because I'm lazy and can't be doing a long ass blog...well, maybe a bit) because I think a lot of us can relate to using humour to cover up a lot of 'demons' or problems we have inside or outside of our rattling heads.
I certainly know that I have always used humour as a way of covering up my problems, my love of comedy has got me through some of the darkest days of my life....even Charlie Chaplin's wife said that watching 'Fawlty Towers' got her through the loss of her husband.
It's just what I've always done and I don't think I know many other coping mechanisms...well, apart from crying alone & filling up a wine/vodka bottle with my tears....

So I personally think that's why a lot of the 'darker...maybe depressed' people of the world go into comedy. To escape into a land where everyone laughs at you because they like you, not because they're taking the piss...and everyone adores you for making their lives that bit brighter, just like comedy has probably done for them in a past, it's like a big circle...a vicious circle of laughter (if a circle of laughter can be vicious....with teeth....)
For example, very recently (very recently only being about 2 weeks ago) I had to have my very dear, beautiful, silly, wonderful cat that I'd had since I was 6 years old (I'm 26 in about a week) put to sleep and I won't lie to you, it was one of the most heartbreaking things to have happened to me, if not THE most heartbreaking thing. Those of you who know me will know that I adore animals very much in general and that my cat's are like my children...and also that Tiggy was extremely, extremely special to me and yeah, it's not been good...at all.
But once again, humour has been getting me through, even just laughing at the antics and little ways she had has been getting me through...like when she lost her 'voice' and would just open her mouth into a silent cry when she wanted to meow (something I sadly abused for my own amusement I'm afraid to say) and like when she had me down the stairs by lying across the top step....and having me nearly crack my head open on the cooker when she chased my feet in the kitchen...& the time she peed in my school bag five minutes before I was ready for leaving for school...and the times I used to wake up and find her lying on my chest just staring at me like some mad, deranged, hairy stalker....come to think of it now, she was probably trying to kill me, but either way, she did a lot for me and brought me 18/19 years of wonderment and as you can probably tell, she was a bit of a little comedian herself.

So yeah, without straying from my original point too much, humour helps a lot of demons shut up and go hide in a cupboard in a forgotten part of your brain somewhere.
I think also, if you're quite a depressive, worried, anxious person, naturally creating this 'persona' or 'other version' of you will get you away from all that, you'll feel loved, appreciated and happy at the fact you're bringing joy and laughter to people.

I recently watched a documentary on BBC1 where popular comedienne, Miranda Hart was finding out more and paying tribute to her 'hero of comedy', the wonderful Eric Morecambe and being a huge fan of Eric myself, I already knew most of what was shown, if not more. I already knew that behind that wonderful comedy talent, comic timing and that MUCH loved man, there was quite a different side. He was shy, under confident, quiet and suffered from health anxiety brought about by a heart murmur...which coupled with the constant worrying, probably lead to his premature death.
But even Miranda herself said that there's an hidden sadness in her too, like the comedian is a mask she's learned to put up to get rid of all the sadness and insecurities in her life.

& When I was younger I used to always wonder why most comedians were often quite 'different' off screen/stage but now as I get older it's become quite self explanatory and little did I know I was a fan of comedy and made people laugh for all the same reasons, I'm a dark person when you get deep down to the bottom of me (no puns or smut intended) with quite a lot of insecurities and 'head demons' and it's nothing major, I'm not bi polar or anything like that (not to my knowledge anyway), but I do suffer from depression, I do suffer from anxiety and inferiority problems....and probably a whole load of other shite that I don't even know about myself yet.
But that's okay with me, it means I have the 'means' for comedy...you know and if it helps me write 'funny stuff', if it helps me 'perform' if it helps me 'be funny' and make people laugh then that's fine....

Yep, being completely neurotic is totally fine by me.....what??

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*SIDE ANNOUNCEMENT* Well...I was gonna say *BOTTOM ANNOUNCEMENT* since it's at the bottom of this post and not the side, but it sounds wrong, let's face it.

I am thinking of doing a video blog next time, as a one off....and I just wanted people's views on this, someone suggested it to me and I was thinking it might defeat the obvious of this being a writing venture for me and for it to be something for people to READ, but the idea has grown on me and as I say, just as a one off it might be fun and I could think of a special topic for it, in fact, I want people to SUGGEST topics for me, because to be honest, I'm beginning to run low on ideas...I know I shouldn't probably admit that, but there you go, it's me, what you gonna do?
So yeah, help me you lazy, buggering lot....should I do a video blog next time and if so, what should it be about...or what would you LIKE it to be about? Cheers me' dears. :) Tip of ze hat' till' next time!

The Returned Ramblings of a Comedy Nerd...

*sneaks in with flare and miscellaneous weaponry *

Hello there! It's been a long, long time, hasn't it? This was all fields the last time I was here.
Ahhh, by gone days. Okay, I know it hasn't been THAT long but really, September since I last updated? That's bad, I can only apologize and offer up my sincerest, grovelling apologises to anyone who actually cared or noticed my absence from this here' blog. I feel for you, seriously...you obviously have no life, you poor sod.

I have been busy with that thing called life. With it's twists and turns and it's downright urge and drive to stop me doing anything remotely fun. (Damn it to hell!)
But yes, mainly University and a few personal problems (no, I'm not dying...but my Cat has gone crazy...I kid you not) is what has prevented me from updating for so long, such is life, and I shall spare you the details, with this being a 'comedy' blog rather than a devastating life story blog.
The topic of my return shall be that of the problems and strife (I know I said no devstating-ness but bare with me, it is comedy related) of being a fanatic of comedy, or a 'comedy nerd' as I like to call it...and other people like to call me. (Bastards!)

These days it is very socially acceptable to be a part of the alternative crowd or a 'geek' as I always have classed myself as. Partly because I don't know what else to call myself, I feel like I never really fitted into any 'category' except for maybe being on the 'strangely strange' pile. I have always been very 'alternative' except my version of 'alternative' has never really fitted any other person's 'alternative.'

As most people will know by now (& certainly if you've read this blog from the beginning...so I'll know if you're lying...*points evilly*) I've loved comedy from a very young age and it has practically been my main point of interest over the years. Sure,  I've always loved animals, music and the 'spooky stuff' and other things have come and gone in my life over the years (those 5 years in M16 for one...oops, that's that secret out), but comedy has always usually been number one in my list of 'interests.'

And over the years my mind has collected fairly useless rafts of information on any number of comedians and comedy shows and the whole history of comedy to be fair..... and where does this information come in handy? I'll be honest, not many places...I've tried it at funerals, &,  strangely enough, it never goes down well.
It doesn't go down too well anywhere to be honest.

& surprisingly, saying, 'Did you know that Graham Chapman of Monty Python fame was gay, had an adopted son and his ashes are now scattered over Snowdonia?' isn't an effective way of breaking an awkward silence at a dinner date...
I sometimes where I can put all this interesting comedy crap that's spilling over in my brain, that was what prompted me to start this wreck of blog...and sometimes I ponder over writing a book some day...but would someone buy a book called 'Interesting Comedy Crap?' which wouldn't really have any structure or genre, it'd just be full of random tid bits of comedy....maybe someone with more money than sense...(just politicians then.)

I know a lot of people like comedy but I've always been a tad 'over the top' with it, it was more or less my life for awhile and dreams of wanting to work in the comedy industry prompted a very big career change and going back into education after many years.
So I wonder where people like me belong (apart from maybe the Looney Bin), we're not computer nerds, hardcore gamers, skater boys, rock stars or chess enthusiasts (well, some of us might be)...so where do us comedy nerds go to get relief and solace from the taunts of the outside world? I'm still in fact looking for that place and it consumes me.

Thankfully though, I have found a good few people who are as fanatic about comedy as me...some are even nerds over the good old classic stuff (also, like me), but those wonderful, sob huggingly ace people are very few and far between I'm afraid.
So even starting some kind of comedy AA group would be extremely thin on the ground, it'd probably just be me, maybe one other person, a cat, a pigeon and a dripping tap...and maybe a homeless person who just wants to come in from the cold and have a bit of a giggle at some people who have less friends than he does.

So yes, my nerdiness is a very rare form of nerdiness, one that doesn't really put me into any category apart from maybe as stated earlier, a bit 'odd.'
Add that to me being a crazy cat woman, a witch who is slightly psychic and a general neurotic, over worrier who would even worry and freak out if she would millions on the lottery, thinking that the cheque wouldn't clear or about the money disappearing into thin air....and you've got a person who doesn't, hasn't, and never probably will fit into any category.
BUT, all is not lost, I must admit. As I, dear invisible reader, found out about something very special a few months back.

A University Degree....in...wait for it.....comedy practices!! *cue holy music *
What is this magical fuckery and can it be true? Was my first response... and upon further research, yes it was true, there is a performance degree that specializes in Comedy.
This glorious wonderment of education is currently being held at Salford University and for a while I was clicking my heels with excitement, as my current Theatre degree which I am studying at the moment, would allow me to enter this magical world once I've completed it...and for a while, this was the plan. I imagined meeting more of these versions of me who have completely thrown the idea of logical careers into the bin and who must have completely comedy haddled minds such as myself, if they want to get in debt for and study intensively for two to three years for it.
I was in anticipatory heaven.

But alas, it isn't meant to be, as it means studying for an extra two years after my current degree finishes in May this year. Sadly, I can neither afford, nor face another two years in education, even if it is for my beloved comedy brethren.
So that dream has crashed and burned a long with my sanity. It will always be a nice thought in the back of my brain though (a long with the tires and springs and embarassing memories), that maybe that long wanted solace and magical place for the lost comedy nerd is out there after all....

.....and it's in Salford...huh, can't win all ways I suppose?