Hi there, first off I should probably say welcome to my blog and wonder why the hell you're even here reading it, but the fact that you are is very sweet, thank you.
You probably know by now (and if you don't, you're definitely about to find out) that my main love in life has been comedy and probably always will be comedy, I have took a few turns down different roads over the year's (& most of those have had some kind of troll at the end) but I've always ended up coming back to comedy (granted, the comedy road has a few trolls down it too, but at least they're funny.)
It is something that has kept me going throughout my life and has been a source of emotional support for aslong as I can remember, maybe even more than friends and family, not to be critical of them, I love them dearly, but maybe something inside me thought that seeing Oliver Hardy beat Stan Laurel senseless with various household impliments or Vic & Bob beat each other's brains out with frying pans would comfort me more than talking and 'opening up' about my problems. Which probably says more about me than my poor friends and family.
As mentioned, I've been someone who has had many varied interests over the years. I've always loved animals and when I was younger I thought that my life must have involved having my arm up the backside of a cow in someway when I grew up and I was suprisingly fine with this, for a long time. The whole comedy or 'showbusiness' world was just an escape for me, I could never be a comedian or an actor, it seemed dramlike, unrealistic and it stayed that way for a long time.
Throughout my childhood and early teens, I loved making my friends and family laugh, especially my older sister. Pulling my nightie over my head and sticking my glasses over the top and running around like a maniac and doing impressions of the various comedians I'd grown up with until I hurt my voice and severely damaged my tonsils where all the wonderful, halarious things that I subjected my family and friends to, ok, so it wasn't Morecambe & Wise material at any rate, but it made people laugh and that's all I cared about.
Then High School came along and ruined it. Don't get me wrong, I was happy at High School for the most part. I just didn't matter, me and my group of friends were the classic 'Inbetweeners', not outcasts but not 'cool' enough to be popular either. I spent five years being invisible, which isn't as fun as you may think. Plus, a lot of personal troubles throughout my teen years dogged my once silly, hyped up frothing loon personality from my childhood and continued throughout the rest of teens and early 20's. I'm not ashamed to admit that since then I have battled with depression and anxiety, but not to worry, things are much better now and I won't bore you with the details. But all this did take a profound effect on my personality, my confidence and my self esteem.
But despite all this I managed leave school with fairly decent GCSE's, go to college, study a diploma in Animal Management and start Veterinary Nursing Training.
It was all sort of a blur really and that little voice inside me prodded me harshly in my gut on a regular basis, telling me that despite my love of animals, this really wasn't my life's 'purpose' or what I should be or wanted to be doing...
And it took a good few years (and not nearly as many cow's backsides) for me to finally listen to that little voice and give up on the world of Dr. Dolittle, by this time I'd realised just how cold, upsetting and cruel the animal care industry was. People are horrible, animals aren't, that was the main conclusion I left with and one I still stick with today. You can't help them all and it was making me damn right miserable. My sheer love of the animal kingdom was the very main reason why I SHOULDN'T have made it my career.
So after this, came a few years of dead end jobs, one of which involved stood behind tables for 8 hours a day trying to 'demonstrate' and sell products to people who I would have happily jabbed something sharp and rusty up their noses at not a second thought and quite a bleak exsistance which didn't involve much at all really, a nun would have more of a life. I became more miserable and in 2009, hit a bit of a melt down point, which I thankfully pulled myself out of the year later (with the thanks mainly being down to comedy once again.)
And then I realised, what had I always loved? What had got me through those horrible days? What had cheered me up when I got home from work where I'd seen some poor Cat get put to sleep because his so called owner hadn't taken care of him? What had cheered me up when yet another friend or boyfriend had let me down or hurt me? What got me through when I thought I had nothing left to live for? Comedy.
So in that moment, I thought, I've used humour and comedy to escape and cover up everything wrong in my life from the very beginning. Why not do that now? And the closest thing I could think to do was to go to University and study Theatre and Performance. And that I did.
It was like going from nought to sixty in 10 seconds but it was the right decision for me, as I loved acting and theatre too.
It was a very shaky start and it took me awhile to find my feet. All those hard year's had battered my confidence and on a drama course, that isn't going to help you....in the slightest! But I knew I was stronger than an Ox, I knew who the 'real' me was and I knew she'd come out eventually...and slowly but surely, she did do and is continuing to. Through all the hurt's and upset's I've become a very untrusting person and people now have to work very hard to get through those barriers and get through to that wacky, funny, comedy obsessed, silly nut job that's been inside me since birth, but I'd like to think that's worth it.
And this is all fantastic and right at this moment, I'm in the best place I've been for awhile. I'm happy, I'm definitely me again, maybe even a bit better and I know it can only get better from here. I'm finding things out about myself that I never knew exsisted and it's great!
There's just one thing...I wasn't true to my poor comedy. All my performances in the first year, were serious (well, meant to have been, if they were funny, they probably shouldn't have been) and now I've finished my first year, I realised - 'You didn't do any comedy, you nutbasket! That was the whole reason for doing it!' Yes, I got swept down the 'theatre' road (yes, trolls down that one too, sophiscated ones) and forgot all about my original goals and desires.
Which is my only downfall, but there's always next year...and the third year...if I stick at it, which I'm sure I will.
Errrrr...I've actually forgotten where I'm going with this now, but you get the idea, don't you? You've learned a bit about me, you've learned I have some kind of weird comedy fixation and you've learned that I'm probably not very mentally stable...or trusting...or normal...but you know what I say to that?
Perfect comedian material.
(Just so you know, the rest of the posts won't be like this, or detailing my life story, they will be about comedy and my own personal views on said comedy - Hope to see you again. Watch out for the troll on your way out. He doesn't bite, but if looks could kill...)
